Finally Getting Fit

Well, my self-sabotaging won out. I am weak. The weekend was a disaster.

But today is a new day.

I think I need a little inner-motivation and inspiration, so I’m going to list all the reasons I have for wanting to lose weight. Here it is (in no particular order):

- I want to be able to shop in any store and find a normal size– not plus. This way, I can go shopping with my skinny friends and not feel uncomfortable or embarrassed.

- I want to wear cute clothes, too. Not that I don’t think Lane Bryant and Torrid have some great clothes– they totally do. But I’m too self-conscious to wear anything wild or super trendy. My clothing philosophy now is blend-in-with-the-woodwork and don’t-look-at-me. I feel like I’m dressing for a different personality, just to hide my body.

- I want my husband to think I’m hot. And, as I’ve said before, my husband is incredibly sweet and always tells me that I’m beautiful. And maybe he does think that on some level. But when I lose weight, I’ll have more confidence. And that might lead me to undressing in front of him with the lights on, maybe jumping in the shower with him, wearing cute lingerie, and basically feeling good about myself. Confidence is sexy.

- I want more energy. Right now, if I could, I’d take a nap everyday. I feel sluggish when I wake up. I don’t want to go out and do anything even remotely athletic. But if I shed some of this extra weight I’m lugging around, perhaps I’d be up for a bike ride, a hike, dancing, or whatever. Even running up a flight of stairs would be great if it didn’t result in huffing and puffing.

- I want to feel comfortable in all situations. (Physically, anyway. I am aware that my inner-crazy won’t let me feel mentally comfortable all the time.) This means sitting in a roller coaster seat, wearing a bridesmaid dress, being in photos, looking at said photos, squeezing into a booth at a restaurant, going to the beach (including wearing swim wear in public– eek!), going for seconds in a buffet line, and every other moment where I immediately focus on my own weight and not much else.

I think of all the life I’m missing out on because I’m constantly worried about what other people think of me and how I feel about myself. Having this all written out makes me think that perhaps I should start working on some other issues along with my body.