Finally Getting Fit

When I started doing meal replacement, I joined up on the company’s website. It’s a nice place to go to keep track of your stats as well as talking to people who really know what you’re going through because they are doing exactly the same thing you are.

The topic we’ve been talking about a lot lately is our relationship to/with food.

Boy-o did I never have a good one.

Food has served three purposes during my life.

A Way to Feel

I started binge eating when I was about four. Probably earlier, but most of my earliest memories are from about four. Though I didn’t recognize it until much later, I had a screwed-up childhood. I craved food – well, I craved eating until it hurt – as a way to feel something.

A Comfort

When I got into my teenager years (and earlier than that), food became my comfort. Nothing soothed your hurts like a pint of Ben and Jerry’s choc chip cookie dough ice cream while watching your favourite television show or movie. Good nights were pizza nights or nights when we had treats for dessert. Fresh food and cooking from scratch wasn’t done a lot at my parent’s place.

A Punishment

I met my husband online while I was at university and he was the one who began teaching me about healthier food. It’s thanks to him that I started eating more fresh fruit and vegetables. It’s thanks to him that I stopped a lot of unhealthy food behaviors.

But then, after I got back to my parent’s place after uni, I knew enough about food to use it against myself. Whenever I felt the need to punish myself, I’d get a Big Mac meal from McDonald’s and wash it down with a big cup of soda. I would eat sugary things – cheap sugary things with artificial colours probably being the last of worries.

And Now?

I’m finally finding my peace with food. I appreciate the finer things, more nutritional things. I can finally separate out flavours and I have even found a place where I feel great about myself – cooking from scratch in the kitchen.

I get sad thinking about where I’ve been in regards to food in my life, but at least now I can view it as what it is: sustenance.