Finally Getting Fit

One of the big reasons I am trying to lose weight is because I want to have as healthy of a pregnancy as I can. While having a baby isn’t in my close financial future, that just means I have more time to work with when it comes to losing weight.

I haven’t gotten on the scale for a couple weeks now, and I’m a bit nervous about the possible ‘damage’ I may have done by not weighing in. Despite that, the worry I feel about that is nothing compared to the stress and depression I was dealing with before, so I’m still glad that I went off the scale for right now.

Towards the end of next month, I have an appointment to see a doctor. I’m both excited and nervous about this appointment because it could mean changes in a lot of ways. I’m hoping to find out why I have such a hard time losing weight. I’m hoping that she’ll make changes to my diet that will help me get even healthier. I’m also hoping that the appointment will be a turning point.

I want to be a mother so badly, but I am afraid that whatever is going on with my body is going to prevent that dream from coming true. I know a lot of women with PCOS (I’m not 100% sure I have PCOS, by the way) just have to lose a little weight and then they get pregnant, but therein lies the problem.

So I guess you can consider me on a bit of a hiatus (though I’ll still be posting) until I go to that appointment and find out what’s going on.

Wish me lots of luck and patience.

After a heart to heart with my husband yesterday, I feel the need to clarify a few things about my decision yesterday.

I have decided not to weigh in on the scale. That’s it. I’m not quitting exercising, not quitting eating right, and certainly am not heading out to have a big binge of my naughty little food addictions. All I’m doing is just not stepping on the scale for a month so I can clear out my head space.

I am currently trying to get myself in a better place mentally and emotionally. I believe that accepting and loving myself as I am will help inspire me to want to make myself healthier. While I am doing that a lot, I could still stand to improve. At this time, though, I feel like I’m being hindered by stepping on the scale – not helped.

I need to be doing this for me. I can keep going doing it for other people, and that’s okay, but if I’m not doing it for myself, I’m not in the right place mentally. Gains hurt too much and plateaus are too frustrating when I have this subconscious need to be making someone else happy.

So no scale for June! But keeping on with diet and exercise.

Having said that, I am already feeling better without the scale and numbers hanging over my head. (Not literally. I keep the scale on the floor in the bedroom.) Of course, now I’m curious to see how much I weigh, but I think that just comes with no longer being required to weigh in.

It feels great! I’m doing my healthy thang and feeling good.

And that’s all it should really be about in the end.

I have been thinking a lot lately about why I am losing weight and why I want to continue to try to do so. Back when I first started seriously getting into dieting, I had a while to go before my wedding. I already had the dress and it was too big, so I would need it to get fitted anyway. Of course I wanted to lose weight for the wedding.

Here are a few tips and tricks in case you’re looking to do the same thing from someone who did it.

*Start early. It is always better to work in the healthy habits as soon as possible. That also makes it easier if you have a ‘bad’ day to recover afterward.

*Get your whole wedding party in on it. You shouldn’t make it a requirement for everyone in the wedding to lose weight, but it can be great to have that support from anyone who wants to participate.

*Plan ahead. For your pre-wedding parties, plan ahead and request healthier food and snacks.

*Always remember the dress/tux. If you’re going to be losing a significant amount of weight, be sure to have an appointment not long before the wedding to get the dress fitted.

*Most importantly: Don’t let it spoil the day. If you haven’t lost as much as you would have liked, it’s okay! It’s your day and no one is going to be thinking about your weight.

I know this is a little different from my usual posting, but I hope some people find it useful.

When I started this journey a year ago, I wrote this on my 100 Pounds to Go blog:

I’m Spunk, and I’m 100 pounds (about 45 kilos) from my ideal weight. I got married May 5th, 2007.The honeymoon is over.

If you’d like to join me on my quest for health, please feel free. People like to know they aren’t alone when they take on challenges.

When I wrote that, I was ready and rearing to go, not worried about anything going wrong or stumbling on my path. All I knew was that I wanted to get healthy in a hurry.

While the hurry part hasn’t really happened, a year on I am in no doubt that I am many times healthier. I feel better than ever, have more energy than ever, and I even go to a local gym on a regular basis.

I can definitely tell you I didn’t see that happening a year ago.

All in all, I may not be down in the pounds like I would like, but I’m still very happy with my progress mentally and emotionally so far. I’m in a much better place.

How about you?

A year ago I wrote these as my motivations:

I have my rewards as motivations, but dieters need more than just rewards. What do I want out of this? Why am I doing it?

• I want to be able to shop in the same section as my friends.
• I’ve been overweight for as long as I can really remember. I want to know what it’s like to be at a healthy weight.
• I want to be able to do all the things my husband does without being winded.
• I want to be able to bear children in a healthy body.
• I don’t want to sweat as much as I do now because I’m carrying all this extra weight.
• I want to be able to eat in public without getting bad or funny looks.
• I want to feel good about myself.

Back then my big concern and motivation was sweating. I hated how much I sweat even though it was a nervous habit as well as just a reaction to the heat. Keeping up with my husband was a close second followed by a curiosity about what it would be like to be thin coming in third.

A year has now passed and my priorities have switched.

Bearing healthy children in a healthy body is what has come to be most important to me. The welfare of my future children is already becoming a priority in my life. After that comes wanting to feel good about myself followed by keeping up with my husband (which I am better at doing these days).

Though the priorities have switched around, the motivations are still the same, and I’m glad for it. I want motivations that will ring true no matter how long it takes me to do this.

I’m posting this a bit late, but I reckon you all will forgive me.

This week turned out to be a lot of crazy in a basket as the anniversary weekend ended and road trips and volunteering began. I feel like I haven’t really had the chance to sit and relax since last week. Even now I’m not really relaxing because I am working on getting all my blogs up to date. (I’ll be doing some back posting, so don’t be surprised to see posts from earlier this week that weren’t actually up earlier this week.)

The good news is that I had a lot of fun last weekend. You can read about how the anniversary went here.

The not so great news is that I’m not looking forward to stepping on the scale this Monday. I felt okay at the end of the weekend because I enjoyed myself but didn’t go overboard, but since then I have really been feeling the stress. Stress is definitely not good for weight loss.

I have been feeling stressed because I work at home and love what I do, but it’s frustrating because I wish I could pay the bills off faster. There is a job I can apply for, but it could mean that I don’t get to post as much and might even have to give up one or two of my blogs.

Not good.

I have been having such a hard time staying away from my comfort foods, but the good news is that I have succeeded in still staying away from bread and pasta.

So, slowly but surely, I am getting back to the nitty gritty of work. How are you doing?

Okay, so these are a little late. But better late than never, right? It’s time for me to refocus for the month and talk about my goals…

Food – Honestly? I think I’m doing pretty good with this. I haven’t eaten bread in over a month now, no pasta either (I’ve found a noodle substitute – made out of beans!), and I have only had sweets a couple times. I like phase one of the South Beach Diet and I’m only making a few adjustments so I’m technically in Phase Two.

Even so, I feel much better than I was feeling. I miss my sushi, but I can still eat sashimi, which makes me very happy.

Water – I seem to have *SUCH* a hard time with keeping up on my water. I’m not sure what it is. I was doing fine with it for a while, but after that it’s been a constant trouble. I need to really get on this and get back into it.

Exercise – I’m going to try something a little new starting next week because I want to change up my routine a bit. I’m hoping that it will help me get re-excited about exercising again as well as switching things up to encourage more weight loss.

Mentality – I’m getting much better with this, but I do need to stop beating myself up so much. It’s a bad habit I’m slowly getting rid of, but I really need to ditch it for good.

What are your goals for May? Are you having trouble with anything? Is there anything you’re feeling proud of? Leave a comment in the comments section and start up a weight loss conversation.

As I type this post, I am watching the Australian Biggest Loser finale. While I don’t always agree with how they do things on that show, even I can’t deny what an awesome inspiration the show can be.

When I watch Biggest Loser finales, I always get teary-eyed. There is something beautiful about seeing people achieve their dreams and feel great. They are so happy and excited that the money doesn’t matter as much as it may have in the beginning. They are genuinely happy to simple be much healthier than they were.

While it might not be the biggest inspiration for everyone, it certainly is to me. Seeing how hard these people – who often start out weighing more than I do – stick it through grueling workouts and restricted diets to get to where they want to be. If they can do it, I know I can do it if I stick with it like I need to.

Watching the finale has me all fired up once more to get into it hardcore and lose the weight I want to lose. Next Thursday is the day I will be back in the gym (after today), and I can tell you I am going to be working my arse off. I usually like starting things on Mondays, but there is no reason to let days go unused when it comes to my health.

So it’s time to hit it.

Because I know I can do it. Because I want a healthy body. And because I want to have no problem having healthy, wonderful children.

Over this past month I have been a part of the weight loss challenge on the Yanks Down Under site. Basically, with a few rules like no fasting, we weigh in once a week and talk about what we’re doing to lose the weight.

I’ve found that having this kind of ‘loose’ (‘loose’ meaning lots of discussion, not a lot of competitive spirit between people which makes things more relaxed, and weigh ins only once a week) competition is a nice little Plan B motivational tool.

I didn’t realize it before, but at the last weigh in for the challenge, my total loss was ten pounds. Ten pounds! I had no idea. I mean, I knew I had lost twelve pounds total, but I didn’t realize I’d lost ten pounds this month for this challenge.

Talk about your motivation. I have less than a pound to lose to have lost five percent of my top body weight.

When you are trying to lose weight, I think it’s definitely a good thing to get involved in these types of challenges, no matter what the outcome. If you gain or maintain, you have that reminder that something needs to change. If you lose weight, you are reminded of how much you have accomplished in a new light.

Like I said, I knew I had lost weight, but looking at it in terms of the challenge made me feel great about it all over again.

Are you involved in any challenges? Do you like it/them? Do you find it/them motivational?

I was a bit nervous about making this post because, like a lot of people, I’m afraid (on a subconscious level) of ‘cursing’ my weight loss by posting about successes. It may seem silly, but it’s the absolute truth.

However, there comes a time when you have an undeniable non-scale victory… This week, I am happy to share mine with you.

I have fat pants!

For probably the first time ever, I have a pair of pants that I need to put away because they are practically falling off. I might not put them away just yet because I have a belt, but the fact remains that I am in danger of everyone getting to know my knickers in a public place if I don’t wear a belt with these pants.

I am so happy!

I have had pants get a bit loose during weight loss before, but I have never gotten to a point where my pants were so obviously loose and falling off on me. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten my measurements down so much in my life. It’s a fantastic feeling. It makes me want to go through all of my pants and start putting away the things that are too big for me.

Not only that, I noticed this morning that I had to pull up my gym pants a couple of times because they were a bit loose on me as well.

As they say, when your pounds aren’t dropping, check your measurements! It just might be that you’re losing inches instead of pounds right now.

When it comes to the struggle of trying to lose weight and keep off what I’ve lost, sometimes I just want to quit. It’s too hard. I’m too tired. I have factors that make it even harder for me to lose weight than other people. So why even try? Why not just try to eat decently and give in to the bag of M&Ms when I feel like it?

Then I remember.

I started seriously trying to get fit after my wedding in May of 2007. It took many months and a lot of struggle, but I started getting myself down in weight. Clothes were a bit looser, I was feeling better, I was eating better…

And I fell off the bandwagon.

It didn’t happen fast, but it happened. I gained back all the weight I had lost and was exactly (to the pound) back to where I started after my wedding. As you can imagine, that depressed me to no end.

I don’t usually do New Year’s resolutions, but this year I decided I was going to lose the weight. No matter what, no matter how long, I was going to try my best and hardest. For my husband. For my future children. For myself.

This run hasn’t been easy either. With my weight bouncing around and often going to plateau status, it’s been hard to keep going. Many times I have wanted to just give up and have those M&Ms. Or TimTams. Or chicken satay noodle box.

The difference this time is that I made a promise to myself. I worked so hard and gained it all back. Now I have to lose it again. I won’t do that anymore. I will never quit because once I’ve lost the pounds, I sure as heck don’t want to have to lose them again when it’s so much work. If I had just stuck it through last time, maybe I would be down in the 230s already.

I’ve learned my lesson. I’m not going to quit.

Today I was having fun exploring what is turning into a massive blog roll list over at the Healthy You Challenge. (Looking for some support? Your guaranteed to find it there!) I had a lot of lovely people stop by and comment on my last post, so I figured I’d pay some of the weight loss blogger love forward.

I was reading on Irish Mom’s blog – Little Boy Blue and a Redhead Too – where she wrote:

“I just saw a commercial (not sure for what) where people comment on how life would change if I lost the weight….

What would you do?? Or what did you do when lost significant weight??”

That got me thinking as well.

While Irish Mom has pretty much said it all as far as what I would do, I got to thinking about a few things of my own I would add on.

~I would start planning for having a baby. (I’m currently saving money, but nothing else.)
~I would be able to keep up with my husband.
~I would finally find and buy ‘the little black dress.

So what would you do?

As per usual, easier said than done.

It’s easy enough to say that you should lose weight for you. To live longer, to look better, to feel better about yourself. But more often than not, it’s difficult to start a diet with ‘for me’ in mind.

Why? Because many overweight people just don’t care that much about themselves.

Unlike what a lot of the skinnier population seems to think, being overweight is not always just a matter of “I’m a glutton”. There are mental, emotional, and psychological components all adding up to a lack of not caring about the value of one’s own life.

There are many reasons for ‘do it for you’ not being quite enough to get you busting to go to the gym.

So what can you do if ‘do it for you’ just doesn’t cut it?

Try making a list of the people closest to you. (Even if they don’t exist. My future daughter, not even conceived yet, has been a big motivator for me in the past.) You can use that as a list of motivators.

Not really close to many people? I know how you feel. The next step is to make a list of reasons you want to lose the weight. Even things like the little black dress/suit of your dreams.

It’s entirely possible that you’ll find you have lists of things that aren’t quite the ‘bottom line’ to get you to start changing your life. However, if you wait for motivation, it’s possible that you’ll never lose weight.

Sometimes it’s a matter of doing it and the motivation will come.

Speaking of hitting rock bottom, I was reminded of something Richelo Killian said on my old blog that I think needs to be noted here.

“You don’t have to reach rock bottom to get the kick up the backside to reach your goals. You just have to get in the mindset of someone that has hit rock bottom.”

Very, very true.

Long before I decided to do all this, I wondered what my rock bottom would be. What it would be and when I would get there. I was worried that it would come when I was 300 pounds or more and then I’d have that much more weight to lose.

The thing is, Richelo is right - you don’t have to hit your actual rock bottom. You need to decide you’ve hit rock bottom and go from there.

One day when my husband and I were walking home from the mall, I noticed I began feeling uncomfortable when I was walking. Then I realized I had back fat, which I had never had before. I stopped, turned to my husband, and told him, “I think I’m reaching rock bottom. I have back fat. I can’t believe I have back fat.”

I was a bit upset at noticing it, but I wasn’t upset enough to really get into that rock bottom mindset. But then…

My husband and I were walking off and met up with our neighbors. We had some food for them (my husband and I try to not eat anything with a lot of numbers listed in the ingredients, which presents a problem when we win things), and they were eager to chat. The wife, who was eight months pregnant at the time, turned to me and asked if I had a lot of problems with vomiting (morning sickness).

I looked at her, confused, and said, “No.”

Awkward silence.

She hastily said something like she thought I was someone else, and my husband and I left soon after. Needless to say, I was a bit upset about it.

Now, I could have drowned my sorrows in the box of chocolates the neighbors left outside our door as a thank-you for the food, but as my husband and I were walking, I decided that was my rock bottom. I decided I wouldn’t take it anymore. I could take it longer, certainly, but I wouldn’t.

I was going to lose weight.

I want to make it known that I could have just as easily ate my sorrows away or ignored the comment, but I chose the other way instead.

I decided on my rock bottom. I didn’t let it decide on me.

My husband and I were walking home last night and talked about hitting rock bottom.

It’s long been touted that only when you hit rock bottom – when you are completely broken and bruised – only then can you truly turn your life around. It’s when religious people have seen the light, people have lost weight, stopping drinking, and whatever else. Ah, rock bottom, that glorious (?) state of mind.

But is that really true? Do you have to hit rock bottom to change your life?

No. No, no, no and again, no.

The thing about hitting rock bottom is that you can decide what your ‘rock bottom’ is if you need that label to start changing your life. But if you don’t need the label, good on you. You’re fine if you do, but you also have to realize that you might be using “I haven’t hit rock bottom yet” to keep yourself from starting on your weight loss journey.

When I decided to renew my weight loss efforts this year, it wasn’t because something had happened to break me apart. I was fine. Overweight, with issues, but I could have still gone a long way before hitting that metaphorical wall.

I decided on the change. I decided the new year was a fine time to start and that was that.

If you want to take some control in your life, don’t let rock bottom choose you. Make today your rock bottom. Choose today that you are too important to keep living as is and renew/start on your weight loss journey.

We’re all in this together.