Finally Getting Fit

One of the big reasons I am trying to lose weight is because I want to have as healthy of a pregnancy as I can. While having a baby isn’t in my close financial future, that just means I have more time to work with when it comes to losing weight.

I haven’t gotten on the scale for a couple weeks now, and I’m a bit nervous about the possible ‘damage’ I may have done by not weighing in. Despite that, the worry I feel about that is nothing compared to the stress and depression I was dealing with before, so I’m still glad that I went off the scale for right now.

Towards the end of next month, I have an appointment to see a doctor. I’m both excited and nervous about this appointment because it could mean changes in a lot of ways. I’m hoping to find out why I have such a hard time losing weight. I’m hoping that she’ll make changes to my diet that will help me get even healthier. I’m also hoping that the appointment will be a turning point.

I want to be a mother so badly, but I am afraid that whatever is going on with my body is going to prevent that dream from coming true. I know a lot of women with PCOS (I’m not 100% sure I have PCOS, by the way) just have to lose a little weight and then they get pregnant, but therein lies the problem.

So I guess you can consider me on a bit of a hiatus (though I’ll still be posting) until I go to that appointment and find out what’s going on.

Wish me lots of luck and patience.

After a heart to heart with my husband yesterday, I feel the need to clarify a few things about my decision yesterday.

I have decided not to weigh in on the scale. That’s it. I’m not quitting exercising, not quitting eating right, and certainly am not heading out to have a big binge of my naughty little food addictions. All I’m doing is just not stepping on the scale for a month so I can clear out my head space.

I am currently trying to get myself in a better place mentally and emotionally. I believe that accepting and loving myself as I am will help inspire me to want to make myself healthier. While I am doing that a lot, I could still stand to improve. At this time, though, I feel like I’m being hindered by stepping on the scale – not helped.

I need to be doing this for me. I can keep going doing it for other people, and that’s okay, but if I’m not doing it for myself, I’m not in the right place mentally. Gains hurt too much and plateaus are too frustrating when I have this subconscious need to be making someone else happy.

So no scale for June! But keeping on with diet and exercise.

Having said that, I am already feeling better without the scale and numbers hanging over my head. (Not literally. I keep the scale on the floor in the bedroom.) Of course, now I’m curious to see how much I weigh, but I think that just comes with no longer being required to weigh in.

It feels great! I’m doing my healthy thang and feeling good.

And that’s all it should really be about in the end.

When I started this journey a year ago, I wrote this on my 100 Pounds to Go blog:

I’m Spunk, and I’m 100 pounds (about 45 kilos) from my ideal weight. I got married May 5th, 2007.The honeymoon is over.

If you’d like to join me on my quest for health, please feel free. People like to know they aren’t alone when they take on challenges.

When I wrote that, I was ready and rearing to go, not worried about anything going wrong or stumbling on my path. All I knew was that I wanted to get healthy in a hurry.

While the hurry part hasn’t really happened, a year on I am in no doubt that I am many times healthier. I feel better than ever, have more energy than ever, and I even go to a local gym on a regular basis.

I can definitely tell you I didn’t see that happening a year ago.

All in all, I may not be down in the pounds like I would like, but I’m still very happy with my progress mentally and emotionally so far. I’m in a much better place.

How about you?

On May 14th 2007, I wasn’t long married and I decided it was time to get my health straight. I started at 256 pounds and set out to lose 100 pounds. I wanted to be healthy and happy. And, as the year wore on, it became important to me to be healthy so I could have healthy babies.

My starting statistics looked like this:

Starting Stats: Started: May 14th ‘07

Weight: 256 lbs ~ 116.1 kilos
Waist: 45 inches ~ 114.3 centimeters
Hips: 51 inches ~ 129.5 centimeters
Upper Left Arm: 14.5 inches
Upper Right Arm: 15.5 inches
Left Thigh: 27 inches
Right Thigh: 27 inches

BMI: 41.4

GOAL: 156 lbs ~ 70.76 kilos

I felt ashamed of my body and ate whatever I liked. I knew little about PCOS, insulin resistance and didn’t pay much attention to what dietary changes I should make because I deal with those things.

Now a year has gone by and I look at how far I have come.

Stats: May 14th, 2008

Weight: 248 pounds
Waist: 44 inches
Hips: 50 inches
Upper Left Arm: 13.5 inches
Upper Right Arm: 14.5 inches
Left Thigh: 26.5 inches
Right Thigh: 26.5 inches

BMI: 40

I’m not that much changed in terms of weight or inches, but I am completely changed in mentality. I am no longer ashamed of my body. It’s my body. I like it, but I know it can be better.

Food is no longer my enemy. I have adjusted my diet to one that is better for someone with blood sugar problems. I don’t eat as much and neither do I feel the need to eat more. I eat things that satisfy my hunger longer and have even discovered foods I love that are also good for me.

The numbers simply cannot show how much I have changed in just one year.

I’m posting this a bit late, but I reckon you all will forgive me.

This week turned out to be a lot of crazy in a basket as the anniversary weekend ended and road trips and volunteering began. I feel like I haven’t really had the chance to sit and relax since last week. Even now I’m not really relaxing because I am working on getting all my blogs up to date. (I’ll be doing some back posting, so don’t be surprised to see posts from earlier this week that weren’t actually up earlier this week.)

The good news is that I had a lot of fun last weekend. You can read about how the anniversary went here.

The not so great news is that I’m not looking forward to stepping on the scale this Monday. I felt okay at the end of the weekend because I enjoyed myself but didn’t go overboard, but since then I have really been feeling the stress. Stress is definitely not good for weight loss.

I have been feeling stressed because I work at home and love what I do, but it’s frustrating because I wish I could pay the bills off faster. There is a job I can apply for, but it could mean that I don’t get to post as much and might even have to give up one or two of my blogs.

Not good.

I have been having such a hard time staying away from my comfort foods, but the good news is that I have succeeded in still staying away from bread and pasta.

So, slowly but surely, I am getting back to the nitty gritty of work. How are you doing?

Over this past month I have been a part of the weight loss challenge on the Yanks Down Under site. Basically, with a few rules like no fasting, we weigh in once a week and talk about what we’re doing to lose the weight.

I’ve found that having this kind of ‘loose’ (‘loose’ meaning lots of discussion, not a lot of competitive spirit between people which makes things more relaxed, and weigh ins only once a week) competition is a nice little Plan B motivational tool.

I didn’t realize it before, but at the last weigh in for the challenge, my total loss was ten pounds. Ten pounds! I had no idea. I mean, I knew I had lost twelve pounds total, but I didn’t realize I’d lost ten pounds this month for this challenge.

Talk about your motivation. I have less than a pound to lose to have lost five percent of my top body weight.

When you are trying to lose weight, I think it’s definitely a good thing to get involved in these types of challenges, no matter what the outcome. If you gain or maintain, you have that reminder that something needs to change. If you lose weight, you are reminded of how much you have accomplished in a new light.

Like I said, I knew I had lost weight, but looking at it in terms of the challenge made me feel great about it all over again.

Are you involved in any challenges? Do you like it/them? Do you find it/them motivational?

I was going to write this yesterday, but I was so tired…

I went into the doctor and:

1. Found out I’m not pregnant
2. Was told I needed to go to a specialist because I might need hormone therapy
3. Got something to control my nausea and it’s working so far. I even have a little bit of an appetite today.

He told me that since I have been on the South Beach Diet (no breads, pasta, rice, potatoes, etc) for this long, I should start experimenting with foods to see what really makes me tired and what doesn’t. I know rice does full force, some noodles a bit less so. I’m probably going to experiment with pumpkin first. I love pumpkin and, yes, it has a high GI, but I’ve never noticed problems with it in the past.

Also, on another note, I’m probably one of the many lactose intolerant. I’m not completely sure (and a bit sure because unless it’s in a chai, I think soy milk is nasty), but it’s pretty safe to assume.

He said that I should probably start seeing a specialist given that I have PCOS complications going on with things and, as a general practitioner, he didn’t want to make guesses outside his field. That was nice, but all it did was remind me of all the things impeding my weight loss.

So that’s what’s going on with me at the moment…

I’m quite tired and just want to relax for a while… Not that it will happen, but I can wish, right?

Well, there it is. I’m going to the doctor. I have to call and make an appointment today. Hopefully I can get in on Thursday, but it might be next week instead.

I have a lot (and by ‘a lot’ I mean deep-rooted, serious, and by the dozens) issues with going to doctors. From the going to the doctor to the doctors, I’m just a big ball o’ issues.

But I have to. I can’t do this anymore. I know in the past I have said I should go to the doc and probably would…eventually, but this is a whole new ballpark. (And I swear I’m going to scream if I start crying before I finish typing this.)

I mean, I enjoy losing four pounds in a week any time, but when it’s because I feel gross most of the time (I have a late afternoon window when I feel food in my stomach is not an evil thing) I think something just might be wrong. Plus, I would just really like to get through a day without crying, as I seem to have an inability to do so lately. (Today is out. I cried this morning.)

So cross your fingers for me that I get Thursday. Or tomorrow. Hubby has a trip, but I could go along and we could go to the doc straight after.

But anyway, cross your fingers it’s soon. (No crossing for Friday, non-Australians. It’s a holiday here.) I can’t take much more of this without some relief. Or at the least, some answers.

EDIT: It turns out my doctor is working the holiday and I go in on Friday. Phew!

Found on Jenera’s blog.

Have You Ever….

Taken a picture naked? Yep.

Made money illegally? And how exactly would I go about doing that?

Had a one night stand? Nope.

Been in a fist fight? Nope.

Slept with your best friend? Haha. Nope.

Had sex in a public place? Not sex, but I’ve been naughty in a public place.

Ditched work to have sex? Well, I work from home, so…

Slept with a member of the same sex? Not sexually.

Seen someone die? Nope.

Ran from the police? Nah.

Woke up somewhere and not remember how you got there? Nope.

Worn your partners unmentionables? Sorry, but jocks aren’t for me.

Fallen asleep at work? Well, I work from home…

Used toys in the bedroom? Yeup.

Ran a red light? On accident.

Been fired? Nope.

Been in a car accident? Not that I can remember.

Pole danced or done a striptease? Kind of.

Loved someone you shouldn’t? Way too many times.

Sang karaoke? Once.

Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t? Haha. Hasn’t everyone?

Laughed so hard you peed your pants? Nope.

Caught someone having sex? Nope.

Kissed a perfect stranger? Nope.

Shaved your partner? Nope.

Given your private parts a nickname? That is one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. No, I haven’t.

Ever gone in public without underwear? Yes, but with pants on.

Had sex on a roof top? Nope.

Played chicken? Nope.

Mooned/flashed someone? Nope.

Do you sleep naked? Yes

Blacked out from drinking? Heck no.

Felt like killing someone? Literally killing someone? Once.

Had sex more than 5 times in one day? Nope, but sounds like a nice goal…

Been with someone because they were in a band? Nope.

Taken 10 shots of liquor in a day? Nope.

Shot a gun? Yep, a few.

Gone outside naked? Yep.

Answer on your blog and leave a link so I can check out your answers!

When it comes to the struggle of trying to lose weight and keep off what I’ve lost, sometimes I just want to quit. It’s too hard. I’m too tired. I have factors that make it even harder for me to lose weight than other people. So why even try? Why not just try to eat decently and give in to the bag of M&Ms when I feel like it?

Then I remember.

I started seriously trying to get fit after my wedding in May of 2007. It took many months and a lot of struggle, but I started getting myself down in weight. Clothes were a bit looser, I was feeling better, I was eating better…

And I fell off the bandwagon.

It didn’t happen fast, but it happened. I gained back all the weight I had lost and was exactly (to the pound) back to where I started after my wedding. As you can imagine, that depressed me to no end.

I don’t usually do New Year’s resolutions, but this year I decided I was going to lose the weight. No matter what, no matter how long, I was going to try my best and hardest. For my husband. For my future children. For myself.

This run hasn’t been easy either. With my weight bouncing around and often going to plateau status, it’s been hard to keep going. Many times I have wanted to just give up and have those M&Ms. Or TimTams. Or chicken satay noodle box.

The difference this time is that I made a promise to myself. I worked so hard and gained it all back. Now I have to lose it again. I won’t do that anymore. I will never quit because once I’ve lost the pounds, I sure as heck don’t want to have to lose them again when it’s so much work. If I had just stuck it through last time, maybe I would be down in the 230s already.

I’ve learned my lesson. I’m not going to quit.

My dear friend Jenera has awarded me with the Great Blog Friend award. While I know a lot of people get annoyed with memes, tags, and awards, I like them a lot and am happy to have Jenera award me with one.

At this point I get to name people I would like to pass the award on to. I love giving awards out to people and would like to give them to everyone I know, but I have narrowed the list down to five lovely ladies who have been good friends and have the wonderful ability to make me smile.

Randi of If You Can’t Say Something Nice
Elisa of Watching Dr. Who
Jummy of Getting Crafty
Emma of Treehouse Jukebox
Lyndsey of Lez Keep It Real

These five ladies have been great friends to me with help in abundance whenever I needed it and a lot of great conversations.

Randi and I bond a lot over our shared condition PCOS and our having divorced certain family members.

Elisa has trusted me with the care of The Book Stacks after writing for it for a long time. She also sent me my first care package after I arrived in Australia.

Jummy is a craft goddess in my eyes and I love getting ideas from her site. She’s always cheerful and enthusiastic.

Emma has been a good friend for a long time and never fails to have strangely awesome timing at saying or doing something that makes me smile.

Lyndsey is a lovely lady who has been a great friend to me from the start. We have a lot of fun when we talk.

And there you have it! Feel free to take this award and pass it out on your blog.

Let me know if you do in the comments section. I always like to cruise around new blogs.

With that, I hope all of you have a lovely weekend filled with laughter, bonding, and good food. I’ll see you back here on Monday with the next weigh in. (Fun, fun. )

I can’t help it… I like tags and memes. I know many of you find them annoying, but if you’re like me and actually like them, consider yourself tagged.

Have a great weekend!

A is for age: Younger than I feel, older than I think, and evening out as time passes.

B is for booze of choice: Gin and tonic on hot days, vodka and lemonade on cold days, and a chocolate monk (my creation) when I have a sweet tooth.

C is for career: I’m a freelancer. Freelance writer, freelance editor, professional blogger, and tour coordinator for Pump Up virtual author tours.

D is for your dog’s name: We don’t have one yet, but we’ve talked about it and I think we’ll name our future german shepherd Odin.
E is for essential items you use/love everyday: Dove deodorant

F is for favorite song(s) at the moment: Won’t go home without you by Maroon 5.

G is for favorite games: I am so utterly addicted to Desktop Tower Defense

H is for hometown: Menomonie

I is for instruments you play: I don’t play much now, but I used to play: piano, drums (anything percussion), saxophone, keyboard bass.

J is for jam or jelly you like: On rare occasions, I’ll eat strawberry or rasberry

K is for kids: None yet

L is for last kiss: Kisses from my man this morning

M is for most admired trait: Erm. Love? I’m very loving. Giving? Maybe?

N is for name of your crush: Mark (husband)

O is for overnight hospital stays: Once because the doctors where I used to live are idiots

P is for phobias: Water/drowning

Q is for quotes you like: Looking at something and seeing it are two completely different things.

R is for biggest regret: Hurting my hubby.

S is for sweets of your choice: Tiramisu

T is for time you wake up: The first time, about quarter to six when hubby gets out of bed. The next time is quarter after seven when I get up for the gym. When I get to sleep in, between nine and nine thirty.
U is for underwear: What about my knickers?

V is for vegetables you love: Mushrooms. Broccoli. Potatoes. Carrots. Pumpkin. Mmmm.

W is for worst habit: Probably my eating habits, but I’m working on those.

X is for x-rays you’ve had:

Y is for yummy food you make:

Z is for zodiac sign: I’m a Leo who was born in the year of the Tiger. Meow.

ANYONE ELSE CAN DO IT

No, I’m not talking about weight loss success stories, unfortunately. However, I have found a video you might have a good chuckle at because it sounds oh so familiar even for how it’s taken to extreme levels.

Okay, so maybe I’m a bit of a hypocrite for posting this given I am taking weight loss supplements, but I figured that if I can get a laugh out of this video, other people can as well.

Haven’t we all heard it thousands of times? Try this! You’ll lose weight instantly. The pounds will melt off. It’s the latest and greatest diet out there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Something I read today really resounded to me because it makes so much sense. As we all know, 99 percent of these things plain don’t work. Or they don’t work in the long term if you are one of the lucky few to see some kind of result.

Why? To keep us spending money!

Just like any other companies, they’re all out to make a dollar. So why give people something that works when you can make a lot more money by keeping people coming back?

This is more of a ramble than a rant, but I am a bit peeved at all this. These companies know exactly what they are doing because it has worked for so many companies before. People are so addicted to the quick fix that the psychology of obesity simply doesn’t come into play.

Now that’s a thought – if a company started a psychological program, maybe more of us would get real help.

What do you think? Are you sick of all the ads or don’t you mind them? Do you wish there was more focus on the psychology of obesity?

Well, it’s Friday. I wish I had some awesomely interesting news to report, but I don’t. The only thing remotely interesting is that I bought a pack of cigarettes last night.

I quit smoking at the end of August. It was hard. I used that new drug on the market, Chantix, and that helped tremendously. I’m positive that taking Chantix is the only reason those around me are alive and intact. My husband quit, too. We’ve been doing fantastic, with the exception of a few cigs snuck on weekends when multiple beers were consumed, and we’ve been saving a ton of cash. All in all, it’s been such a good thing.

And then last night, I just went and bought a pack. I was feeling kind of down. So I just bought a pack. And I got carded. What’s with that?

Anyway. That moment of weakness is a perfect description of the entirety of me. Things get icky, I cave. I fold like an oragami crane. I crumble like a dried-up leaf. I stuff my face. I take a nap instead of exercising. I go shopping and blow my budget. I get loaded with my friends when I’m feeling stressed or upset. And I buy a pack of cigs.

So maybe it isn’t just that I like food. Or that I have a slow metabolism. I think all of this destructive behavior stems from one simple fact: I’m a pussy. I take the easy road. The road most traveled, so to speak. Anything to not exert any kind of real emotional response.

And what problems do I really even have? Good lord. I have a hubby who loves me, a home, great friends, the best parents, loads of expensive purposeless education, a decend job… I’m a lucky chick. There are frigging people out there who are homeless. Who are fighting in Iraq. Who are struggling with terminal disease. Who the hell am I, anyway?

I don’t have any answers. But I do think it’s time that I quit being such a pussy. I am taking my life for granted. It’s my obligation to make the most of what I’ve been given.

Seriously. What was I thinking?

I love cookies. I love cookies more than ice cream. More than cake. More than pie. More than– dare I say?– any other dessert out there. So why would I torture myself and participate in my office cookie exchange?

For those of you who may not know, a cookie exchange is where there is a group of people and each person makes X number of cookies (the same kind). Then, you bring in your cookies all separated and exchange. For example, I made five dozen cookies, or 10 bags of six, and I recieved, in turn, 10 types of cookies, 60 all together.

60 cookies.

Now, I mostly did it because I’m a joiner and I like to participate in office fun. But, my dark side knew how many cookies I would receive and she was maniacally twisting her fat fingers together with an evil grin on her face as she imagined the plethora of cookie deliciousness spread out before her. “Texan cookies” with fruit and nuts, date balls, spritz with sprinkles, fudge squares, ginger snaps, special K, Mexican lemon cookies… I’m one of those pink, plastic Hungy, Hungy Hippos that has an endless stream of marbles entering it’s face. Not flattering.

So, temperance is the pre-holiday goal.